i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
