I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
