Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
