Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
