i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
