we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The Olympian is in my bed
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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