does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
