I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
