so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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