i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
