i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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