May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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