he told me I talked like a deaf person
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
