My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
