Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
