Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
