we have pet lesbian snakes
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
