its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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