Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
