Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
