Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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