Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
