operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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