i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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