If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
