At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
