I hate your face
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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