apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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