Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
