So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
zippers are such a cool invention
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
