Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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