I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It's shark week go big or go home
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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