i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
