I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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