And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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