i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
