Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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