Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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