how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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