Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
