i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's official drugs can't kill me
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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