Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
