I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
