I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
