I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Bring me that man meat
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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