Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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