Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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