No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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