I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
