Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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