Got a toothbrush?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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