Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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