"it" just moved
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
