so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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