my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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